Cold Nebraska Morning

I find its time to set up another block of my bloggy goodness. Today is freaking cold and I am sitting here at home with a sick kid and am looking around myself, wondering what the heck am I doing with my life. I have noticed lately that I live my life through the net. What in the world would I do if I didn't have this electric form of entertainment in front of me?? When I think about it, knowing me and my lazy self, I would probably either be reading or in front of the TV. 

I have never been big on cleaning or anything in that form. My place is MESSY. I can't even blame it all on my housemates. I seriously need to reevaluate my life and get my priorities in check. I have thought about going back to school but even the reasoning for that eludes me. I don't know if I am just scared or trying to run away and bury myself in a land that involves this 19 inch brightly lit screen in front of me. 

Its funny when I think about  how I said I would "share my daily life" with people through this blog. But what is there to share when all I do most every day is sit here and suck away my motivation by watching foreign news, Asian dramas, and trying to keep up on the news about my favorite music stars from across the ocean. In truth as I said before I have 4 sites I check on all throughout the day online. Facebook, Twitter, Allkpop, and Tokyohive are the ones I mentioned before. Well I have to add 2 more to that list. Dramacrazy, and animecrazy. I sit here and drain my life away on watching dramas and animes everyday. Often forgoing sleep for 2 to 3 days at a time until I drop from exhaustion. 

My life has become extremely pathetic and thats not the half of it. In all honesty I don't even want to change what I do. I really don't like leaving my house at all. I make excuses to stay at home wrapped around my pc. Its become like smoking or doing drugs. I am so addicted to this metal and plastic "Thing" that my whole outlook on life is becoming a very gray almost black area. I suffer from depression and ADHD and surprisingly this "Thing" in front of me is the one thing that makes it worse and also makes it better. 

An example of what happens when I leave my home for the day and am away from my computer is Thanksgiving. I swear to God that this Thanksgiving was the worst one I have ever spent and the most pathetic on my part. My fiance, kids and I went to his parents place and had dinner. There were other family members there as well. It was great for the first 2 hours. After that everyone settled down to watch football and play games. I ended up in a recliner chair and within 10 minutes I was asleep. I slept off and on for 3 more hours while we were there in front of people that I had met for the first time in my life. People that will become my future family. I woke up when it was time to leave. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed because this is the type of person I have become. 

I really need to buck up and find a way to save myself before I end up losing what last little grasp of the real world I have. 

My Next Ink

So, I have been battleing the idea back and forth of a new tattoo.. I really really like this picture BUT I want color this time. I have 4 tattoos at the moment and am looking to get a couple more. I am not sure as to whether I want to go with a music theme or get the tattoo I wanted for my kids. I have a few ideas for that one as well. These two pics represent my 3 kids.

I have a few more music ideas as well...

Anyways, whatcha think?? I like them all, would like to get them all but not sure where to put them lol.

So, well I just wanted to share this with y'all...

Something interestingly disturbing

This is something I found on someone elses blog but wanted to share..
Say hello to mechanically separated chicken. It’s what all fast-food chicken is made from—things like chicken nuggets and patties. Also, the processed frozen chicken in the stores is made from it.
Basically, the entire chicken is smashed and pressed through a sieve—bones, eyes, guts, and all. it comes out looking like this.
There’s more: because it’s crawling with bacteria, it will be washed with ammonia, soaked in it, actually. Then, because it tastes gross, it will be reflavored artificially. Then, because it is weirdly pink, it will be dyed with artificial color.
But, hey, at least it tastes good, right?
High five, America!

What to do on a day of sickness...

Welp today as you can see I am bored... I am sick with the flu/cold and don't feel like doin much. I guess I am glad that I don't have to work but sometimes I would like a little break from the people in my house. Don't get me wrong I love them all to death but...I see them pretty much all day everyday with no time to myself. That gets old after awhile but I guess thats the price for choosing to not go back to work for awhile. I can pursue a few things I would like to do now but when yer sick... motivation is just not there. 

Anyways I know this is short but... I think its time to go rest for a bit...Til next time!

Learning a language and why!!

So, here I am floundering around trying to teach myself a foreign language... I have been in a toss up of which way to go. I want to learn both Korean or Hanguk and Japanese or Nihongo...What should I learn first? I am not sure which way to go as I am in love with both languages and I am broke so... that makes it a little hard to get all the materials I need or want rather to totally immerse myself in one or the other of these languages. I have started to veer more towards japanese as it seems to be a little easier to pick up. It also could be that in watching the dramas I have watched I enjoy watching the jdramas quite a bit more then the longer kdramas.

I am getting myself little bits of information here and there and have picked up a couple apps for my cell phone which the program "Human Japanese" so far I have found to be a really awesome program. I saw that amazon carries the pc software for the same program but alas that takes $$ which right now I have none.  Being unemployed certainly has some drawbacks. ( although I did get approved for unemployment ( sorry another story))

Anyways, as a past time along with watching the various dramas I have been listening to alot of the current k-pop, j-pop, and quite a bit of j-rock to include the various types of Kei. Visual, Oshare, and Nagoya.  I have a few bands that I really like and a few that I absolutely love. Only problem I find is sometimes I find one that is totally love at first listen and when I go and look them up... they are disbanded or on indefinite hiatus.. Which in itself is really quite depressing. I am finding the more I listen the more I can distinguish some of the words but it will be quite a long time before I am able to fully understand. I do enjoy it tho. 

Funny thing tho is what got me into all this and wanting to learn all I could about Korea and Japan was one video that Youtube posted in my "Recommended For You" section. A k-pop band that was currently in between promotions at the time. In fact the had just ended promotions for that one certain song. Would you believe it was SHINee "Ring Ding Dong"?? I watched that video and was enraptured.. I think I watched that video over and over about 20 times that day. From there after showing off my find to a few of my friends and getting them hooked, my k-pop world EXPLODED!! I searched and listened and learned bands and music any chance I got and then I found korean dramas. I can't remember how I found it but my very first kdrama I searched was because I watched one of my favorite k-pop groups make a mini parody of it. Coffee Prince had me hooked instantly. From there I moved on to Boys Before Flowers and then anything I could watch. 

Then I found Japanese dramas. My very first j-drama was Hana Kimi. Because of all the beautiful boys in Hana Kimi I started looking up names which moved me on to other dramas and finally into the Japanese music scene. I have been addicted ever since. I check 4 websites daily and have connections to my addictions on each of these sites. Facebook, Twitter, Allkpop, and Tokyohive. I am currently following every person I possibly can on each of those sites out of my favorites and am totally amazed. Twitter has become almost like breathing for me because some of my favorites I follow on that site have in turn started following me which has induced me to make this blog. I figure if they are willing to follow a no name American divorced mother of 3 then why not let them into my life to learn more about me. So the saying goes, "Share and share alike". I only hope in my reaching out that I can become a more versatile person and when I am finally able to travel then maybe just maybe I will be able to meet some of these wondrous people. 

Anyways that is all for now or I will go on forever lol. I hope you enjoyed my  confusing post (^_~)

Hello with my first post!

Hello and Welcome to Rural Panda!! I know I won't be posting alot but you never know. I may just surprise you. I am currently unemployed and not sure what direction I want to go at the moment so I am taking care of my 2 children I have at home and pretty much enjoying life after 16 years of working outside the home. Wow when I look at that it seems like a very long time ^_~. 

Anyways I hope everyone that comes here will attempt to enjoy the ramblings I tend to spout every so often. I will try to be versatile on the subjects I chose to write about. This is a new experience for me!

See you all at the next installment!  


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