I find its time to set up another block of my bloggy goodness. Today is freaking cold and I am sitting here at home with a sick kid and am looking around myself, wondering what the heck am I doing with my life. I have noticed lately that I live my life through the net. What in the world would I do if I didn't have this electric form of entertainment in front of me?? When I think about it, knowing me and my lazy self, I would probably either be reading or in front of the TV.
I have never been big on cleaning or anything in that form. My place is MESSY. I can't even blame it all on my housemates. I seriously need to reevaluate my life and get my priorities in check. I have thought about going back to school but even the reasoning for that eludes me. I don't know if I am just scared or trying to run away and bury myself in a land that involves this 19 inch brightly lit screen in front of me.
Its funny when I think about how I said I would "share my daily life" with people through this blog. But what is there to share when all I do most every day is sit here and suck away my motivation by watching foreign news, Asian dramas, and trying to keep up on the news about my favorite music stars from across the ocean. In truth as I said before I have 4 sites I check on all throughout the day online. Facebook, Twitter, Allkpop, and Tokyohive are the ones I mentioned before. Well I have to add 2 more to that list. Dramacrazy, and animecrazy. I sit here and drain my life away on watching dramas and animes everyday. Often forgoing sleep for 2 to 3 days at a time until I drop from exhaustion.
My life has become extremely pathetic and thats not the half of it. In all honesty I don't even want to change what I do. I really don't like leaving my house at all. I make excuses to stay at home wrapped around my pc. Its become like smoking or doing drugs. I am so addicted to this metal and plastic "Thing" that my whole outlook on life is becoming a very gray almost black area. I suffer from depression and ADHD and surprisingly this "Thing" in front of me is the one thing that makes it worse and also makes it better.
An example of what happens when I leave my home for the day and am away from my computer is Thanksgiving. I swear to God that this Thanksgiving was the worst one I have ever spent and the most pathetic on my part. My fiance, kids and I went to his parents place and had dinner. There were other family members there as well. It was great for the first 2 hours. After that everyone settled down to watch football and play games. I ended up in a recliner chair and within 10 minutes I was asleep. I slept off and on for 3 more hours while we were there in front of people that I had met for the first time in my life. People that will become my future family. I woke up when it was time to leave. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed because this is the type of person I have become.
I really need to buck up and find a way to save myself before I end up losing what last little grasp of the real world I have.
